Emeryville Amy

This blog will be a combination of my favorite places in the Bay Area and abroad, memoirs, recipes, restaurant reviews and travel experiences.

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Location: Emeryville, San Francisco Bay Area, CA, United States

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Jerk-O-Meter Part 2

The article that I have received the most comments about is the one titled, Jerk-O-Meter. My brother Thomas and I can get going about some subject and carry it forward to ridiculous (but funny to us) places. He had a few additional comments about that story. With his permission I am reprinting it here for you all to read. If you don't like his point of view that is okay. I can always send his email along to you and you can tell him yourself. He is in China for another year so I am sure he'd love the mail. He can't access my blog there because the government blocks all blogs. Of course there are always ways around that...

Hey Amy,

I just read your blog. It was fun, good, easy reading. I even laughed a
few times.

I personally think something as wonderful as a "Jerk-O-Meter" should do more
than identilfy if someone is paying attention on the telephone. If I had a
jerk-o-meter, I would install it in every new car. It would be manditory in
California. The meter would be connected to a hammer or wooden mallot and
would smash the driver on the head(not hard enough to cause unconciousness)
for a number of things. There would also be a setting for sleepy drivers.
But, I am not quite sure how that would work or if it would work. Honestly,
what can can keep a sleepy person awake - cold water on the head, fresh air,
turning up the radio, singing along to "Y. M. C. A." . . . doing the arm motions with
one hand - do you really think this would get you from Pittsburg to San

I remember trying to stay awake for the mid-night services at St. Mark's. A
sharp elbow into the ribs worked great for waking me up, but how long did
that last? What about staying awake?

As far as the Jerk-O-Meter goes, I am sure there are many more applications
that we could think of. How about installing one in the White House?
Everytime a Senator, Representative, or the President suggested, supported,
or voted for something that was against the general welfare of the
environment, people in our country or people in another country, a big red
light would go off on their desk. After a certain number of times, that
person would be replaced by a well trained monkey. Sure, our government
would be in for some big changes, but at least they would be well trained.
Payroll would be cheaper. Plus, a well trained monkey is a delight.

If using monkeys in the government raised some concerns from animal rights
activists, we could use profession body builders. Oh, I forgot we have
already tried that in California. It didn't work out so great.

Other uses for the Jerk-O-Meter would be to soundly and repeatly beat people
responsible for making too much noise. Operators of beeping trucks, leaf
blowers, motorized scooters, sub-woofer car stereo's, and all idiots who
clang pipes together or own a yapping dog would be taught a lessong the old
fashion way. Out of nowhere, an old man with white mustache and a cane
would appear with superhuman powers. He would quickly and quietly remove
the offender from their vehicle or noisy apparatus and then deliver ten to
twenty memorable blows - "little reminders" is what I would call them. If
the "little reminders" did not achieve the desired goal, maybe some "big
reminders" would be used. After a few weeks, we would all live in quite,
peaceful neighborhoods where unknowing and incensitive jerks were either
punished or sent to desolate places to live and play such as freeway
shoulders along I-5 where their individual noise swallowed by the mad
collective scream of passing trucks and cars.

Of course, the greatest use of the Jerk-O-Meter would be domestic. Husbands
and wives would no longer have to argue over who was being a jerk or even
put up with a jerk as the beloved and indestructable Jerk-O-Meter would
immediately grab the jerk by the ankle, raise him up into the air, and shake
him silly.

Have a nice day.



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